Have you ever found yourself just yearning to hold a baby in your arms? Does the squeal of a new born just make you burst with joy? Do you often awake in the morning after a methadone binge with an unidentified infant lying on the ground next to an empty bottle of Jack Daniels? Well I have, and let me tell you, that baby was none too happy I drained all the juice. He said he had paid all of his womb allowance on it and he already owed his nanny for some oxycodine he had scored last week. I told him to go get help and I kicked him out.But I digress- for all of you who want children so badly, but don’t want to deal with the responsibilities of feeding, changing, mating with another human being ( though that one may be more or less an involuntary hinderance) I have the answer: http://www.collectiblestoday.com/ct/product/prdid-300372001.jsp Her name is “Ashley” and she oh-so-really, truly “breathes”! Almost as if you were holding an oh-so-real, true baby who wouldn’t- nay couldn’t- give two rat’s asses about you. Just like the rest of the world. Check out the sweet-ass features she’s loaded with!
“Ashley is handcrafted of Ashton-Drake’s soft RealTouch™ vinyl skin, with hand-applied hair and hand-painted fingernails and toenails. Her delicate newborn features are so realistic – be prepared for lots of “oohs” and “ahhs” wherever you show her off! Her body is loosely jointed, too, so she feels just like a real newborn infant in your arms. Truly, her every breath is a special little blessing! ”
And that’s how she comes stock! Now I’m not saying you’re a creep if you are willing to pay the 5 installments of $26 just to buy this “Adult Collectible” item, but if you can’t stick it out with the rest of us and put up with the little brats just so you can feel the mechanical, heartless heaving of this “baby” than your issues may run a little deeper than those even I might be qualified to misdiagnose . And for those of you who have always wanted to simulate the anxiety and stress of owning, excuse me,”caring for” a premature infant, “Ashley” now comes in a 10” variety! I almost want to order 50 of them to throw at passerby. Using children as ammo is almost better than playing drinking games with them.
